Steven Paul Watson, Author

“¿Te gustaría salir a cenar alguna vez?”

Derek fought the smile on his face, he had said the words out loud and even he thought for a moment they felt natural.  Or he didn’t sound like a fool which he would have considered a win.  He had been coming to the café for weeks, like clockwork after work, trying to get up the nerve.  He had realized early when hearing her speak with one of the other waitresses she spoke fluent Spanish and he found himself regretting not learning the language in high school when he had the chance.  Today was his day.

“Hello.”

He paused fear engulfed him as he looked at the laptop screen a long moment before he brought his eyes up to see her.  Three cities away, and there she stood.  It was like yesterday instead of the two and half years that had passed since they last saw each other.  Derek slouched back in his chair, he tried to speak but nothing came out.

“Don’t just sit there.”  She smiled.  Derek smiled his half smile as he stood circling the table to greet her.  They stood for a moment he still couldn’t speak but now he did not know what to do either.  The last time he had been this close to her they kissed, but that was a lifetime ago.  He hoped more than anything his face did not reflect how he was feeling inside.

He stood for a moment and watched, not until she moved in closer did he reach around her for a hug.  “How have you been, Lori?”

“Happy,” she smiled, a smile that always melted his heart and often left him speechless with its beauty. 

“I’m glad,” Derek replied.  It had taken him over a year, before he had found his heart mended.  She was the only woman he had ever loved and since he had often questioned the whys.  He found solace in knowledge.  Most had avoided the topic but a couple friends had often let him know how she was.  She was happy and it always made him smile through his hurt.  It was all he ever wanted, was for her to be happy even if that meant without him.  He could not help but glance to her hands, her left and the bare ring finger.  He tried not to make it obvious but he had heard she was engaged the year before.  He had thought then he was finally over her but the news was enough to send him down again.  There was no loneliness more devastating than missing the one person he had always thought would be there.

“How are you?”

“I’m good,” Derek looked around, he had for the moment forgotten why he had come today.  The confidence was gone leaving only the new hollow feeling in his stomach.  “Are you living here now?”

“Yeah,” she replied looking away any time their eyes met one would look away but for that instance.  For just that moment he remembered looking down into her eyes before a kiss, a memory always burned into the back of his mind.

“Me too.”

“It was good seeing you, maybe we’ll see each other around,” she smiled a sly smile before she turned and walked away.

Derek watched her as she walked away unable to speak.  Hoping she’d look back give him a reason to run after her.  He wanted to, the feelings were still there but he knew they always would be.  She would always be the one to him, the one no matter the distance or time a piece of him would always love her. He felt the life rush from him the moment she was out of sight. 

 “That looked awkward,” Emilia stated. 

Her dark eyes met his and he smiled an unconvincing smile, “An old friend.”

“We should play poker some time.” she smiled a knowing grin.

“Is that your way of asking me out?” he replied quickly looking away.

“You’ve been here every day for a few weeks watching, flirting, the eye contact but you’ve never asked.  I figure I would have too.”

“So you’d like to go to dinner with me?” 

(696 Words)

——————–

So, I said after last week I would attempt to write a happy flash fiction entry…  Or romantic.  Or anything.  Anything that isn’t my normal depressing, down on ones luck, forlorn, sad pieces.  I let my day to day life sometimes bleed into my flash fiction…  And I have for months now.  But with this song….I just couldn’t do it.  lol  I hope you all enjoy.

                Ayiana had left Collins office with a purpose in mind, to seek out Byrne.  It was more than needing his advice from the man she had come to view as a father.  He was also the closest thing to friend she had.  She did not expect the two guards standing in wait to usher away some place she did not know.                      

                Dark green hood pulled over her head she looked out the stained window, there was little to see.  It was once Atlanta, but now it was nothing more than wasteland for scavengers and the infected.  Pollution spread from the north, the Appalachian coal companies run amok no longer responsible for cleaning up after themselves had left most of the lands north of Atlanta for three states with the air, land and waters polluted beyond repair.  The effects were devastating but the majority of the population still suffered and lived in the stained land.  There were only three clean cities on the east coast, Charleston, Buffalo, and Jackson.  And only the wealthiest called the places home with little care for anyone who they did not gain profit from.

                Ayiana hated the mask; she kept fidgeting with it over and over trying to deal with the discomfort.  At least it took her mind off of her destination and companions.  If Collins was sending her to be executed, at least a couple of her companions would have been the ones he would have sent along to do the job.  But then why so far, they had already traveled two hours northwest away from Atlanta and no one said a word to her let alone a move in her direction.

                Logan was a shooter, or at least it was what she knew most about him.  Others had described him as the best shot in the underground at a distance.  He appeared asleep a couple seats in front of Ayiana, and looked that way almost from the moment he sat down. She had not even noticed a twitch of his eye, a wrinkle on his forward or any discomfort from the mask.  She envied how comfortable he looked.

                Sarah was another story, like clockwork she would walk down the aisle and back, her arms crossed her chest.  She like Logan was a hitter, but of another variety, she was a beautiful young woman.  Ayiana had heard Sarah was not afraid to get her hands dirty and her beauty and wide eyed youthful smile got her into places others could not go.  And most times her assignments were of lustful men or women who only saw her one way.  Ayiana imagined if one of these two were to kill her, it was Sarah who would do it.

                The train jerked, as its speed reduced cause Ayiana to jerk forward with her hand on her mask she almost pulled it free in the movement.  She glanced up to Sarah who was near her seat holding steady on the back of one of the seats.  Logan’s eyes were opened now but he still did not move from his position.  “What’s going on?”

                Ayiana watched Sarah; the position was perfect for an attack.  The high ground, she could almost see her working through the movements of pulling her dagger and thrusting it forward.  None of it happened as the slender woman moved away towards the cabin with no answer to the question either. 

                “Okay kiddies.”  A large man rushed into the cabin, almost pushing Sarah down as he moved passed her.  “Time for the three of you to make your exit.”

                “What’s going on?  Where are we?” Sarah questioned only a step behind him as he passed by Ayiana’s seat.  She could see the woman had her blade out and ready as she walked.  Ayiana looked to Logan, who showed no rush in his movements. 

                “I only know this is your exit, up ahead about twenty miles this train will be boarded, all on board will be taken captive, unless they resist then they’ll be executed.”  The man opened the door quickly tossing bags out into the dirt, “You can lose the masks, we are clear of the polluted lands.”  Ayiana had no hesitation in loosing hers and breathing in, she looked out seeing something she had never seen before clean forest.   “They are hunting one of you…or maybe each of you are listed with very impressive bounties on your heads.  Collins wants you as far from Atlanta as he can get you until things cool down but the government knows you were on this train, or at least suspected.  And they see your heads on a pike would go a long way to quelling the rebellion.”

                “Where are we to go?” Sarah questioned.

                “North, Montana, he wants you to lay low until he sends for you.”

                “How…”

                The large man spoke before Logan could finish, “Trust me kiddies, he’ll find you.”  Ayiana was the last out the door before the large man slammed it closed.  They were still standing there when the train moved away.

“You don’t listen.”  Paul opened his eyes, the subway car was filling the moment before but only frosted air greeted him now.  “You never listen.”

“Who?” Paul didn’t need to ask.  The small cat stepped from under the bench several feet away.  “I never got to say goodbye to you.”

“You didn’t want to say goodbye.”

“I never thought there would be a day when goodbye meant…”

“Goodbye.”  He could hear the unforgettable laugh as it replaced the small humming purr.  “Everyone says goodbye, doesn’t matter whether you want it or not.”

“You sound like me…everyone disappoints… I know I disappointed you…didn’t give you your fairy tale romance, even though I wanted too…and I loved you.  More than anything.”

“And now you’ve gone and done something unforgivably stupid.”

 The air began to grow colder and he could see the windows begin to freeze.  “I’m sorry.”

                Most Valuable Thing

“You are my world.”  Clark glanced across the way at the hospital, the rush of traffic and people going about their day.  In and out they rushed with unknown certainty, family members nearing the end.  Newborns taking their first breaths with a life of love, heartbreak, more ahead of them and it only made the dread build in his stomach and a burning sensation rush through his chest.

He felt her fingernails dig into his wrist.  He glanced down seeing the small dragon tattoo just through the gaps in her fingertips.  Clark smiled as his eyes looked to the tattoo on her wrist, they had gotten them together but hers was of a small willow tree.  “Are you ready?”  His blue eyes now on her green eyes, contacts covering her natural color but he saw past them even though no one else would.  There was no dread in her eyes, no hesitation and at least for a moment it quieted the butterflies in his stomach.

                “Life hasn’t been very kind has it?” he faked his own smile as he looked at her lips, a sharp shade of red begging for a kiss.

                “The weight of the world comes crashing down when you think you’re at your lowest, knocking you down further than you believe possible,” she smiled.  It was not fake, Caroline could never fake a smile.  He had often called it her most beautiful feature over her deadly curves. 

                “You make me a better person.” He never understood it and often thought himself crazy but he loved her.  Loved her for who she was, the good, the bad, and the often times stubborn.

                “Are you ready, sunshine,” Caroline smiled, white teeth displaying her confidence.  He felt her fingers tightly intertwine with his own and he smiled. 

                Clark could feel his life in her touch and he smiled knowing it was everything he wanted in life.  “I have felt your heart beat with my own and I’m not in the least ready for this.”  His smile was lost the moment she pulled her hand free of his and instantly he glanced to the table and the distance between their fingers.  Though minimal he could not bring himself to reach for her touch once again.  He knew the night before could be the last time they’d be together, the woman he had loved from the moment they met.  “I’m not ready to live without you.”

                “We don’t know what the future holds,” Caroline stated with an eerie smile as she stood.  Bag on her shoulder she turned not waiting.  “Maybe a little more happiness and freedom awaits us, babe.” 

                He took a deep breath as he rushed to catch up, pulling the mask from the backpack and gun from the holster as they entered the bank.  Gunshots rang out followed by Caroline’s laughter louder than the screams of the customers.  Clark stepped over the body of the guard, this was her plan and it all happened so fast.  Clark never spoke a word; only Caroline and everyone followed her commands.   She had a way about her, bringing a smile to Clark’s face.  No one could ever say no to her.  And the thought never crossed his mind

                He watched the clerks fill the bags and Caroline as she glanced back with her full smile before he turned taking a moment to look over each hostage on the floor.  Lost in the moment, the sound of approaching sirens broke him from his wonderment. He turned and felt the life rush from him.  Caroline was gone, with the money.  He rushed to the counter, the clerks face down now, he glanced behind him to the police cars outside.  He could see them, as they positioned behind their cars, guns raised and ready. 

                “My darlin.”  He pulled his mask off and tossed it to the floor, it didn’t matter to him anymore.  She was gone, and the most valuable thing she had escaped with was his heart.

(664 Words)

“Do you trust me?”

A hard question to answer, might as well be asking if I love you.  “I think I do,” it’s not a complete lie.

“What’s in the box?”  I don’t have to look to see where her fingers point.   

“It’s empty.”  I can see by the look she doesn’t believe me but it is true, it’s a locked empty box.  I notice the oddness, the way she has been acting since the painting.  I don’t blame her truly.  I know how I am.  I’ve been broken.  I was happy being alone, invisible, never trusting anyone completely.  Until the other.  The only person I ever trusted completely with who I am.  And I thought I had found a reason to believe in love.  To be the foolish romantic.  And then she proved me wrong once again.  Now, the loneliness is killing me even when I’m not alone.  

(149 Words)

(This can be viewed as a follow up to last weeks Vis Dare:  Emerging)

You’re not the one.

Those words drifted through his mind.  It had been months since the first time he heard them and even now they cut just as deep as the first time, ripping apart everything inside of him.  The other woman was in another room, he could hear her there rummaging through the cabinets or who knows what.  It didn’t matter to him.  None of it did.  She could have been stealing him blind for all he cared, none of it made him want to run from the covers of his bed.  He knew she would be back before long.  At least that much he was sure of.

“Hey babe, you want a drink?” 

“Sure,” was all he could say, it would numb the thoughts.  The storm of words and emotions brewing in his head that came to him in isolation.  This felt wrong, all of it, from the first touch he always thought about another and not the one he was with.  But then she had admitted much the same.  That she was in love with someone else.  Someone who she could not be with for whatever the reasons he never asked.  It was the one thing, the only thing he understood now.  How much he went through to numb the pain, the absence knowing a piece of his heart was gone forever.  But he understood, at least in this moment someone else knew his pain.  His frustration, of not being the one.

My 100^th blog post…

I never thought I would get here, especially since last August I had it in my mind to quit blogging and did take a few months off.  I always thought it was fitting that I only started blogging in December 2011 to get closer to someone.  I’ve been dealing with some self-doubt lately, a lot more so than I’ve had in a while I guess.  About me, blogging, but mostly about my writing in general.  I’ve always been my own worst critic but that is true with most writers or artists.  And it seems the more I dig into my manuscripts, as I’m trying to make that push with a specific goal in mind.  The more I’m plagued with those thoughts and doubts that eat at the back of everyone’s mind.  Just for the past several weeks I have zero focus. 

I have never really had any support as a writer at least not until the past year and half.  I know most of it is my own fault.  I have trust issues about letting people in but that especially goes for trusting others with my work.  Also the feeling of just not being good enough.  Or not ready.  Or as simple as being afraid of feedback on my writing.   Yeah we all want the glowing praise…but if we get something like that, I don’t know about anyone else.  But I never trust it.

 To date I’ve only let two people read any of my longer work.  One of the people who I let read Ulysses when she was done her note simply said “This is where I run out and get the sequel”.  Of course that was probably the biggest ego boost I’ve ever gotten.  But I trusted her words mostly because though she told me the good, she didn’t hold back with the bad even though we both knew going in Ulysses was in rough shape (first draft).  Before that I never had someone inspire me.  That made me feel like this is what I was supposed to be doing.  That the one thing I wanted to do was in my grasp and they really had a lasting effect on me as a writer (okay, not just as a writer but all aspects of my life).  And gave me a confidence and a motivation to push myself in a way I’ve never had before.  To say I should pursue this goal.  Not like they did.

Since NaNoWriMo 2011, I’ve met some extremely talented writers.  Some already in a position to realize their dream and others on the same creative journey.  And in that time I’ve realized just how much writer’s rock.  You’re amazing!  I just wanted to say Thank You.  I wish everyone the best, and may dreams come true.

My current progress …  And at least at the moment where my big four projects are sitting.

Howling Moon – my werewolf novel- I’ve read through it twice since mid-December, making edits, cutting the length down.  Now it’s at the point that I can’t really do anything else to it without someone else taking a look at it.

Heart of Quila – while I’m working out specifics with HM, I’ve decided to push working and editing this fantasy story I wrote back in 2005 and have worked on it a lot since.  But now I have a clear picture of at least knowing where it needs to go.  And it is currently at 90 k and I’ve found myself wanting to cut that down some which is going to take some reworking of some scenes.

Ulysses – is stuck.  I’ve worked a lot on the sequels, planning, plotting, even writing.  But because of how close this story is wrapped up to me.  How personal it is to me and connected to certain aspects of my life and such.  I can’t seem to bring myself to edit it at this time.  I find it easy to work through the sequels, and finding stuff to add in to the first book making it a more fluid story connecting what is a planned three books at this time.  Even though I think it is my most complete, best work… it is also the one I feel I have to put aside until later.

Destiny’s Path – my Fantasy Gladiator story….that started out as a Five Sentence Fiction piece….turned into last years JuNoWriMo …is something I know I will work on this year.  Sitting at 45k right now, and I know more now where I want the story to go.  And how to flesh it out.  Darwin and the prophet as he faces down his destiny.

(Click the picture to check out all the other amazing entries to this weeks Visual Dare)

“Perfect”

I want to smile.  He walks up behind her, kisses the side of her neck. 

I want to scream.

“Except…her eyes, everything is a perfect comparison….but my eyes are green.”

Your hair is also a brighter shade of red.

“Her eyes are blue.”

Because they’re not your eyes I want to say, they are hers.  The one he thinks about when he isn’t with you, the one he knows he can’t have.  He looks for only a moment before he twirls her to face him with a half-smile.

“I’ll fix it.”

He lies.  Not the one, like the drugs and alcohol, she is nothing but another dragon for him to chase.  I watch as he pulls her close with a kiss.  I want to scream but know tonight I will go to him.  And he will smile as he looks into the eyes of the one he wants.

It was just a kiss, but she had been the one.  The one whose patience ran out and he smiled as she looked away flushed with embarrassment.

“I am sorry I’m not who you want me to be.  I’m not aggressive… I hold back.”

Her eyes shifted back to him.

“This is…more than I expected.  You are the best friend I have ever had, the only true friend I’ve ever had.  I fell for you without ever knowing your touch.  For who you are.  The person who hides from anyone who may be looking.”

She turned to face him as he leaned in, their noses and foreheads touched and he smiled, blue eyes on the edge of tears. 

“I am afraid one of us is going to get hurt.  And I know it will be me…I can’t bear the thought of not having you in my life. 

I love you.”

(150 words)

Ayiana knew the look, Byrne with his glasses pulled down to the tip of his nose.  He leaned against his cane and wheezed with each breath from a hard life.  His jaw stood firm as another man spoke but she kept her eyes on his.  Neither of the two paid much attention to the others in the room.  She imagined they were the eyes of a father; he was the closest thing she ever had to compare.  They kept their silence and posture until the gathering dispersed leaving only the two of them.  “I am sorry I failed you.”

                Byrne smiled his sideways smile, “It was a long shot flower.  We always knew that and you cannot beat yourself up over it.  You did all you could.”

                “Did I?”

                “You nearly died trying to complete your assignment, nothing else could be asked.”

                “”We lost the advantage…she knows I am out here now.”

                “And no doubt has already assigned a Hound or two to track you.”  Byrne turned to look at the map on the wall, “Others have suggested to exile you…some have even said to use you as a decoy while we attempt another shot at taking the Hive down.”

                Ayiana stood slowly, walking toward him as she favored her side with each step.  It had been weeks since the attack on the Hive but she still felt the wound on her side with each step.  “I will do whatever the council wishes.”

                Byrne laughed as he glanced to the young woman now at his side, “A loyal soldier through and through.”

                “If not for you, I would have been ash ages ago.  I owe you.”

                “You have paid your dues to me kid, ten times over,” Byrne turned placing his hand under her chin raising her eyes to meet his own.  “You are your own person and your fate is in your hands.  You owe no soul a sacrifice, not me or anyone else.  You only owe it to yourself to live.”

                Neither of the two had seen Lewis, a calmly, quiet young man with hollow eyes as he stopped in the doorway.  He looked away from the two of them when they noticed him and with a frown said, “Ayiana, Collins wants to see you.”

                Ayiana gave Byrne a look of thanks and forced smile as she walked away.  She would seek the old man out later to finish their conversation.

                The office was dark when she entered, the exception of a blinking display from the radio on the barren desk.  “Hello?”

                Ayiana had spoken to Collins twice before, days after she came to be a part of the unit.  The second time was two days before the Hive assignment, and she found the nerves build in her stomach as she shut the door.  She had heard others say Owen Collins was a politician before the collapse she did not know exactly what that meant.  She just knew more people looked at the man with fear rather than respect.

                “You wanted to see me?”

                “You don’t belong here.”  Collins was older than Byrne though he didn’t look it; he stepped from the shadows with a glass in his hand half filled with something dark.  “But then you don’t really belong anywhere.  That has to be the loneliest of feelings does it not?  No family, friends, no past and possibly no future.”

                “I am sorry sir…”

                “You are a clone; tell me have you ever been in love?  Can you feel love?”

                Ayiana’s lips parted to answer but nothing escaped…

                “Then most people don’t know what true love is, we were a society that went through our lives using people.  Going from person to person thinking of mostly only what we could achieve.  What was in it for us without much thought about anyone else…”

                Collins walked the distance of the room and pushed the slender glass into her hand.  “I see it in your eyes.”  His hand went down the side of her face to the tip of her chin, “You haven’t.  I believe it is likely even rarer for you…  You were raised in a canister to an age; the process sped up to meet a goal.  And then mostly nothing but slaves, you age slower, you heal faster and most are never given anything resembling affection.  But then most…of us never knew true affection either.” 

                “You…wanted to see me sir…”  Ayiana stuttered she glanced down to the glass and then back to him as he walked away.

                “It is all about the eyes; it gives answers even when you have no idea how to utter the words.  It tells the other whether you are in love which is almost always automatic when asked the question.  Your lips smile, but there is a wonderment, a kind of ecstasy in the eyes when a person is in love.  It is easier to see a person who has been in love and lost it…the eyes are broken.  The soul is broken because when they can’t have that person in their lives and that never truly goes away.  In your eyes…I saw nothing.  Blankness of something you have never experienced.”

                “What is this about sir?”

                “I am sending you away Ayiana…”